Jaq Lost It
by Sky Mako
Summary: Jaq Makosky was a young girl when the wall fell, she joined the Survey Corps right away, graduating as number one. Mentally unstable, and feels as if she has nothing to live for once she lost her family, she fights not for humanity, but her sister. Will she loose everything once she gains friends and the love of her life? DISCLAIMER: I do not own SnK or any of the Canon characters
1. Chapter 1

YEAR 845  
>"Jay!" Lizzie calls making me look up from the small ring, I carved an <em>"L"<em> into. "We can ask him!" The blonde only a couple cm taller than me points at a man. He seems like the type we normally do this to. I get up and hand her, her ring;  
>"You forgot this"<br>"Oh! Thank you!" She slides the small silver ring on, as we walk over to the man at the fruit stand. "Excuse me sir?" Lizzie asks. The man glances at her, and I instantly get chills. His eyes are cold as ice.  
>"Lizzie?"<br>"Do you have any coins you could spare?" She asks. The man sneers and kicks her aside.  
>"Damn street rats" he begins to walk away.<br>"_LIZZIE_!" I call. "BASTARD!" I growl, I run and punch him, as hard as I can. He staggers and leans against a wall. Then recovering he grabs me by my hair and knees me in the stomach. I cough blood. People begin to gather, some run off.  
>"JAQ!" Lizzie screams. I punch him again, this time in the face. The man, much taller than myself crumbles to the ground. I go to kick him, but he's expecting it and pulls my legs out from under me. I fall and my head cracks against the pavement. The wind is knocked out of me.<br>The man leans over me, and jams his two fingers into my mouth, I gag. "You should have just let me leave" he growls. I'm choking and can't do anything. Lizzie screams my name. In one last moment of desperation, I bite down on his fingers as hard as I can.  
>He shouts, but I bite down harder. I gag at the taste of blood in my mouth. The fingers snap, the bone crunching under my teeth. He screams and cries begging me to stop. People gasp as he pulls back, missing two fingers. I cough amd gag at the taste, and spit out the fingers.<br>The man rears back, and falls on his ass. I kick him right between the legs. He groans. "I'll kill you, you bastard. You hurt Lizzie." I growl. I straddle him, breathing heavily, and begin to choke him. At the same time, I'm bashing his head into the pavement.  
>"Oi! Move, out of the way." I hear, but I don't move. All I can think about is making him pay for hurting Lizzie. "Get the fuck off him, girl." A voice says from behind me and grabs me. He throws me against the wall and pins me there. Its a soldier, only a little taller than myself. His eyes are emotionless as he assesses the situation calmly. "Did you cut off his fingers?" One of the other two soldiers ask, they're both blonde and much taller than the soldier in front of me, one has huge eyebrows.<br>"I bit them off, he was choking me." I say, blood trickles from my mouth, a mix of his and my own.  
>"Your still a kid. Where did you learn to fight like that?" The soldier in front of me asks, as Lizzie runs up, screaming my name. The taller of the two soldiers stops her. He kneels next to her, and from the looks of it he sniffed her.<br>"LEAVE HER ALONE!" I scream struggling in the soldier's grasp. They're Survey Corps. I heard they're all fucked up in the head, who knows what he will do to her.  
>"Mike, step back, your only upsetting her. Levi, let her go." The blonde with the huge eyebrows says. The soldier called Levi lets me go instantly. I crumble to the ground, my head is pounding I suddenly realize. And my stomach hurts. I lean over and throw up blood, and the feeble amount of bread I ate for breakfast. Levi looks disgusted. Lizzie begins to cry. She runs over and hugs me.<br>"Your hurt! And it's all my fault!" Her green eyes overflowing with tears.  
>"I'm fine, I'm more worried about you, your much more hurt than I am." I say, stroking her hair. She has a scrape on her knee. Eyebrows comes over towards us. Don't come near us. I hear all of the Survey Corps are fucked up and crazy."<br>"Says the one who just bit off a man's fingers." Mike chuckles, it looks like he sniffs again. Eyebrows squats in front of us, and I hold Lizzie tightly. She may be taller than me, but she's only 9. I'm 12, her older sister, I have to protect her.  
>"I am Commander Erwin Smith, head of the Survey Corps. May we speak to you?" He asks, smiling kindly. I frown. I hear Lizzie's stomach growl. Mike turns to a lady I recognize, she normally gives us a couple coins. He hands her something and whispers something I can't hear.<br>"Lizzie?" The woman asks. Lizzie looks at her.  
>"Ms. White." She acknowledges the woman, apparently she was nice enough to learn her name.<br>"I'll go buy you and Jaqlynn some dinner."  
>"Her name is Jaq, daddy named her. Not Jaqlynn... and alright." Lizzie agrees and gets up, leaving me with the soldiers. But that's what I needed. I know what's going to be asked. She can't hear the answers.<br>"Thank you." I say, just barely audible. They don't acknowledge my thanks, much to my relief. My stomach still seems scrambled, my headache getting worse and worse.  
>"Will the people still lingering, please leave? This is an official<br>interrogation." Erwin says. The people still hanging around leave. Erwin looks at me again, after they have cleared the area. "Now what is your name? And who taught you those combat skills? You have obviously had training to some degree." He stares at me. I glare.  
>"My name is Jaq Makosky. My father taught me all I know about hand to hand combat." I reply, trying to stand. I fall to the ground.<br>"Why did your father teach you to fight? It is unnecessary behind these walls. Did he wish for you to join the military?"  
>"He hated the military. Said they were shit, through and through."<br>"Why did he teach you?" I stay silent. "Jaq? Answer me."  
>"... he thought the titans would break through. He was crazy. He-" I stop myself.<br>"He what, Jaq? Why did he think titans would get through. These walls have kept us safe for 100 years."  
>"The peace wouldn't last, thats what he said."<br>"Jaq, where is your father?" Levi suddenly asks.  
>"Dead."<br>"Your mother?"  
>"Father killed her." The three men look at each other.<br>"What happened?" Erwin asks.  
>"He knew hand to hand wasn't enough. He decided that we needed to die to protect us from them. So first he killed mom, she tried to tell me to look away, to run and hide with Lizzie. But I didn't listen. He then turned on me, smiling... but crying. And he stabbed me in the stomach, and destroyed the organs in my lower stomach. Then he killed himself." I say, the memories flow through my head, causing me to grimace.<br>"What about your sister?"  
>"Couldn't bring himself to stab her. Figured she would die since none of us would be around to keep her alive."<br>"Jaq, have you ever thought of joining the survey corps?" Erwin asks.  
>"No. I hate humanity. They have done nothing for me." Erwin looks a little shocked.<br>"I see. How bad are your injuries?" He pokes me in the stomach and I grimace.  
>"They're fine, thanks" Erwin obviously knows I'm lying, but he leaves it at that. He stands up and offers me a hand. I slap it away and stand up, wobbly on my feet. I lean against the wall for support. The 3 men leave, and I go to find Lizzie.<p>

THE FALL OF WALL MARIA:  
>The ground rumbles, screams sound. Lizzie stares at something behind us, horror on her face. I don't even want to turn around, but I do anyways.<br>"...No" I whisper, my heart in my throat. A titan is looking right over the wall. Father was right. "Lizzie," I start, voice shaking. "Lizzie run. Run and don't look back. Go!" I shout, grabbing her arm. It takes her a second to realize we have to move.  
>"Jaq! I'm scared!" She sobs.<br>"I know, just run! We can't stop, not for a second!" This is bad. Panic is seeping in, I want to run faster, but I can't leave Lizzie. The ground shakes, rocks fly and people scream. The noise is deafening.  
>"THE TITANS ARE IN!" People scream, running past us. Faster. Faster. I think, dragging Lizzie along.<br>"Jaq! I CAN'T KEEP UP!" She screams.  
>"JUST A LITTLE LONGER!" I shout. I hear loud thumps behind us, glancing back I see large titans, 15 meters tall, walking towards us. "PLEASE LIZZIE! HURRY!" My voice cracks in fear.<br>Lizzie's face contorts at the sound. She's never seen me afraid. I always played it tough. But I'm weak, I'm afraid. It's all I can do not to leave her behind, to save myself.  
>We're both breathing heavy, people dying all around us. "Here!" I shout. I pull her into a near by building, I break the window in with my foot and help her crawl through. I know she is incapable of running any farther. I notice a door under the stair well, opening it I shove her in, then crawl in after her. I close the door and pull her close. 1st floor is safest, 2nd is eye level.<br>"Don't make any noise" I breath, tears stream down my face. The only sounds in the room is our heavy breathing, and outside we can hear the chaos as the world we knew crumbled around us. Lizzie clings to me, and I stroke her soft hair.  
>Suddenly the ceiling falls in and the only thing keeping us from getting crushed is the stair case. Lizzie screams as I kick the door open and pull her out, I throw her over my shoulder as a 10 meter stares at us.<br>I dodge his hand coming towards us, but it hits the ground, and the impact sends us flying. Lizzie is unablr to hold onto me, and she's flung about 20 feet away from me. "LIZZIE!" I shout as I hit the ground. The breath is knocked out of me and I'm left gasping for breath, the titan walks towards Lizzie. It picks her up by her arms and crushes them. My screams and hers fill the air. "LIZZIE!"  
>"JAQ! HELP ME! IT HURTS!" She screams. Her blue eyes shining with pain and tears. It lifts her above it's head, and drops her towards it's mouth. It snaps it's mouth close, and bites off but head. Her head falls for what seems like forever, and roles to a stop near me. Her blue eyes once filled with life, now vacant and dull. I scream, ripping my throat apart.<br>Suddenly someone grabs me and throws me over their shoulders. "PUT ME DOWN! LET ME DIE! I HAVE NOTHING!" I scream. I bash my hands into his back as hard as I can, kicking and screaming.  
>"Stop struggling!" He snaps. I don't listen to him, I twist in his arms and pull at his red hair. "DAMMIT KNOCK IT OFF DO YOU WANT TO DIE!?" He shouts.<br>"YES! LET ME GO YOU BASTARD!" The man stops running for just a second, and he slams my head into a wall as hard as he can. I pass out.


	2. Chapter 2

A FEW DAYS LATER:

I wake up in a bed, I haven't slept in a bed in forever. I glance around, my head throbbing. The red head sits in the corner, his blue eyes cloudy with remorse. Everything rushes back to me. "Lizzie..." my voice is raspy, and no tears come.  
>"Your awake. I thought I put you into a coma." The man says. He appears about 22.<br>"You tried to kill me."  
>"I didn't. I just needed you to shut up and stop struggling, or else we would both be dead."<br>"It would be for the better" I say staring at him. His hair is shaggy and pulled into a low, short pony tail. His bangs frame his face.  
>"Don't say that!" He growls. He face contorting in anger, then smoothes over into a fake calm. "What is your name?" I don't answer him. I stare blankly at a wall. "I'm Leo, I just graduated from the Survey Corps."<br>"... Jaq. My name is Jaq." I say. I notice a glass of water next to my bed. I down in a second. We sit in silence for a while.  
>"I found this, it fell out of your pocket when I brought you here." He tosses something and I catch it. Looking at it I begin to sob hysterically. It's Lizzie's ring. He gets up and rubs my back. Suddenly he pulls me into his arms and just holds me.<br>"It's hard, I know. I lost my wife and 6 month old daughter." I sob harder and he lets me. My entire body convulsing, unable to control my emotions. I cling to his shirt.  
>"It... Hurts!" I choke.<br>"I know." It sounds like he's crying too. "It isn't going to be easy. Loss never is kid." I cough and soon I am no longer capable of crying. He lets me go after a couple more minutes. "I'm going to see if I can get you a place to stay."  
>"I want to join the military." I suddenly say. He looks at me, tears in his eyes.<br>"... are you sure?"  
>"For Lizzie." I say. He looks as if he's debating saying no.<br>"How old are you kid?"  
>"12. I am old enough to join. Don't you dare tell me I can't." Something creeps into my voice and he half smiles.<br>"I think your perfect for the military, Jaq."

ONE YEAR AFTER GRADUATING:

I frown at those who pass me, they have no regard for anything. They're drunk, and make rude gestures at me, and whistle loudly. I ignore them, although I would love to kick them right where it hurts most. I run a hand through the unshaven half of my head, a habit of annoyance. One of the men is bolder than the others, and he puts his arm around my waist pulling me to him.  
>"Hey, Ms. Soldier lady, Ms. I'm-in-the-Survey-Corps, wanna play tonight?" He asks me, his hand travels a little lower.<br>"Don't touch me." I say without looking at him.  
>"What's that Princess?" He asks laughing. "Haven't you ever been with a man before?" He blows in my ear.<br>"Unhand me if you want to keep those fingers." I threaten. "I've done it before, and I'll do it again."  
>"Babe, don't be like that. We just want to show you a good time." Another says. I clench my fists, and right as I'm about to let one fly, a voice interrupts me.<br>"Boys, lets be reasonable." The male voice says with fake kindness. Then his tone changes into the man I'm use to being around. "She said to let her go." The man is 5'11 with shaggy red hair stands at my side. The men leave muttering under their breaths.  
>"Been a while Leo. About 4 months." I say, crossing my arms.<br>"Sorry kid, hope I didn't miss anything to important." He nudges me.  
>"Only my 16th birthday." I scoff, not actually caring, just giving him shit.<br>"And apparently half your hair." He teases, real kindness in his voice. He's always been over protective of me for what ever reason.  
>"It's only a quarter." I half smile. The most I've done in a while.<br>"I like it." He tugs on my shoulder length black hair. I slap his hand away. "I don't think your going to grow anymore" he teases me.  
>"I'm perfectly content with my height." I scoff.<br>"Your shorter than Captain Levi."  
>"I not! I'm the same height."<br>"Sure." He walks down the street with me. Its warm out, but there's a breeze. I sigh. "Your in my squad." He suddenly says.  
>"What strings did you pull for that?"<br>"I have my ways."  
>"Who else is in our squad?"<br>"Nana, Bree, Mark, and Jess."  
>"They all graduated in my class."<br>"I know... hey look over there." He points in front of us. Its the same men from earlier. They're harassing a person selling fruit. I notice one of the guys run off with a couple pomegranates.  
>"Dammit... I got it." I groan as the sales men shouts at the thief. I chase after the man, and I catch up to his slightly wobbly run, easily. "Stop running and hand over the fruit." I say calmly. He's already out of breath. But he doesn't stop. I sigh. I grab his arm, and I slam him into the wall, gripping his head in one hand, and twist his arm behind his back with the other. "I said, stop!" I growl.<br>"Please, Ms. Soldier, I just need to feed my wife and kids. Please understand." He sobbs. I frown, and take the fruit from him, letting him go. He stares at me in shock.  
>"Don't move. If you move I will not hesitate to turn you into the Military Police." I return to the fruit stand and give the pomegranates back. I then return to the man shaking in absolute horror. "Take this." I say and hand him all the money in my pocket. "It's not a lot, but you could by bread. Bread is filling." I tell him. The man begins to sob heavily.<br>"Thank you miss! I will be forever grateful!"  
>"Then stop causing problems for the soldiers, I understand times are hard. But you have to pull through." I frown at him. He nods and runs off. Leo comes up behind me and puts an arm around me leaning down to my height;<br>"Your a good person, no matter what you try to say" he whispers, then he stands up straight again. I sneer at him.  
>"Oi! Makosky!" A voice calls. I glance over and see a blonde man running towards us, waving his arm. He's only a little taller than myself. He's only 14, they saw his skill and boosted him forwards in training. He graduated 2nd in our class. Once he reaches us he looks at me and whispers, "I saw what you did. And you always act like your cold hearted, your softy." I glare daggers at the boy.<p>

"You want to test that theory?" I growl.  
>"Ha! No thanks, but maybe next time." He smiles sincerely. His brown eyes shining. I frown at him. Why the hell is he so happy all the time? Not even Leo is that happy all the time.<br>"Hey look, its some kids the newest graduating class." Leo says. I look to where he's pointing and see two men running.  
>"Hurry Marco, we'll be late." One of the men jogs a little ahead of this Marco person. His hair is a light color on the top, and darker on the bottom.<br>"Jean, you worry to much, we'll be fine." Marco says smiling slightly. Freckles scatter his face. Leo looks at me and smiles as the men jog up beside us.  
>"Actually, I've learned that Keith Shadis likes to start things early occasionally. To keep the men on their toes." He says. A faint smile crosses my face for a second then is gone in an instant. Messing with the newbies, he would. He did it when I was a trainee as well. The two boys look at each other and pick up their speed.<br>"You're an evil man, Leo" I say.  
>"Evil, eh?" He asks. Suddenly he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, just as he did that day.<br>"Leo! Put me down you ass hole!" I growl and pound my fists into his back. Leo is stronger than me, in hand to hand that is.  
>"But Jaq, I'm an evil man, and evil men don't do what pretty girls say... unless its in bed that is." I blush.<br>"Dammit Leo, you're 10 years my senior."  
>"I don't see why that means anything." He laughs as we reach the two trainees.<br>"Leo! Put me down now! This isn't a joke!" I growl.  
>"You are going to have to ask nicer than that. Beg for me Jaq." He laughs. Mark runs along side the trainees and looking at the fear and amusement on their faces, I look like I'm going to kill someone. That someone being Leo. I yank on his hair.<br>"Leo. I will fucking kill you."  
>"Sure you will." he laughs poking me in the back of knee. I twitch in his arms and blush.<br>"Leo!"I growl.  
>"Ohh was that a turn on?" He teases, doing it again.<br>"No! Now knock it the fuck off." I hiss. He laughs loudly. "People are staring at us!"  
>"Let the stare" he laughs, "it won't change how I feel about you."<br>"Stop that, you're always saying stuff like that." I say, I fall limp in his arms giving up. I can't win against him.  
>"Maybe because it's true, and you know it." He whispers so only I can hear. I sigh.<br>"...Leo" I scold.  
>"Don't Leo me, Jaq." He laughs loudly.<br>"Mark! Do something!" I complain.  
>"Sorry Ms. I Graduated Head Of The Class, First In Almost Everything. You should be able to get out of this yourself ." He laughs. I glare at him. "So scary... heheh." He laughs nervously. I jerk in Leo's arms.<br>"Hey! Watch the hands!" I complain. He only laughs. "You ass hole!" Marco laughs, and I glare at him. Jean only looks worried about being late.  
>"We're almost there, Marco." He huffs.<br>"I think I'll run you through the new recruits like this, Jaq, sound like a plan?" Leo chuckles. I don't answer.  
>"Oi! Leo!" A voice calls and Leo looks over.<br>"What?" He asks.  
>"Put Jaq down, and come get your mission." I notice it's Tim. Leo puts me down and leans to whisper in my ear.<br>"I have to talk to you later."  
>"Alright." I reply and I watch him walk away. Mark slaps me on the back and leans in;<br>"Our mission? Already?" He asks, walking besides me.  
>"I guess." I reply, heading to the dinning hall. Marco and Jean head the opposite direction.<br>"You and Leo are pretty close aren't you?"  
>"I guess. We've been friends since the fall of Wall Maria."<p>

"I see." He walks besides me, keeping my pace. "Look, there is Nana, Jess, and Bree." He suddenly points out as we enter the dinning hall. They're sitting at a table in the corner, keeping to themselves.  
>"Yup." I say getting into line.<br>"Hey Jaq?"  
>"What?" I ask sighing, he's still young, I need to have patience.<br>"Do you think we could be friends?" He whispers, almost not wanting me to hear. I'm taken back. No one ever wants to be friends with me except Leo. The only other people I even talk to are Annabell, and her voice/ friend Alex. Annabell is a mute. Easy to get along with. Bold too. I begin to think of the past.


	3. Chapter 3

1ST DAY IN TRAINING:

Keith Shadis walked down the lines inspecting us each closely. He looked me in the eyes, and I stared blankly ahead. He walked right by, without a second glance. Suddenly he stopped in front of a girl, she was about 14.

"What is your name?" He asked her. The boy next to her shifted uncomfortably.

"Her name is Annabell Swan Sir!" He said. We starred in disbelief. This kid was a fucking idiot. Keith walked over and looked him dead in the eyes.

"Did I ask you what her name was?"

"No sir." He replied. Keith then gripped the boy's head and brought it down to meet his knee. The boy fell like a brick. Keith walked back over to Annabell.

"Where are you from Annabell?" He asked.

"We're from Stohess sir." The boy answered again. Keith walked over and kicked the boy roughly.

"I asked the girl" he said, his voice made those near me cower in fear. "Annabell!" Keith barked, "why have you come here today!?"

"We want to stop the titans." The boy said. Keith frowned and pulled the boy up, by his collar.

"I'm getting tired of your shit boy. I asked Annabell, what do you not understand about that?" He growled.

"Sir, she can't talk. She is mute." The boy said.

"GO HOME!" Keith suddenly yelled at the girl. Instantly tears streamed down her face, and shook her head, saluting. "YOU ARE USELESS HERE!" He screamed. The girl frowned and punched Keith Shadis right in the face. Keith didn't move, but his head budged an inch.

"Sir! She didn't mean it!" The boy tried to sooth things over. The girl pointed at herself then nodded. We all realized she was trying to say she meant it.

"You better prove yourself worthy, and never leave that boy's side Annabell. I see potential in you." Keith said very quietly in her ear. I stood next to them, and I was the only one who heard it. Annabell graduated 3rd in the class. Alex, as we later learned the boy's name was, in 10th.

PRESENT:

I sigh at the tidal wave of memories that came rushing at me. "Jaq?" Mark asks.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I ask as I'm handed some bread.

"Could we... be friends?" He asks, looking down at me.

"Ah... I suppose so." I say and his face breaks into a large smile. Nobody had ever been this excited at the concept of me considering them a friend. I always forget he's so young, and naïve. He follows me over to Nana, Bree, and Jess as I sit with them. Leo chose this squad for me, I suddenly realize. Something jumps in my stomach at this kindness. Nana smiles at me.

"Hey there." She says, I notice under the table she and Bree are holding hands.

"Hey." I say simply. Someone suddenly sits on my other side, shoulder against my own.

"Alright everyone, we have tomorrows mission." Leo says. We all look at him waiting. "There is a survivor, a girl, the only one in her squad to survive. She's young, 14 so she must be scared. Another squad said they saw a flare and got her to a safe place in the trees, but they were unable to bring her back. They were short on horses, and most of their men had died."

"When do we leave?" I ask.

"We leave tomorrow before noon. This girl, Mar, she knows something important. About an aberrant." Leo says. Mark suddenly stands up, tears are streaming down his face.

"Her entire squad is dead!?" He sobs. The people around us glance at him. "She must be terrified. I told her not to join the Survey Corps. I told her she wasn't cut out for it." He whispers.

"Mark?" Jess asks, standing up to go and comfort her.

"Mark..." Leo starts. "What is your relation to this girl?" His voice is filled with worry.

"She's my sister. Or my Twin actually."

Mark chokes out. I stare at him in shock.

"Leo..." I whisper.

"I know." He sighs. "Hey Mark?" He starts. Mark starts shaking his head and backing up.

"No! I'm going with!" He shakes.

"Listen Mark, I'm not going to force you to stay. But it would be better for everyone. Your emotions would get in the way." Leo tries to convince Mark.

"No Leo! I'm going with you! She's my sister!" Leo sighs at his stubbornness

"I guess there is no convincing you otherwise. But if I feel you are letting to many emotions get in the way, I will order you to stay in a tree, and wait until we get back." Leo warns.

"Yes sir. Thank you." Mark begings to cry again, Leo pats him on the back.

"Hey, come on kid, you're a soldier. Man up. Yes?" Leo asks. Mark sniffles and nods. "Your a good kid, Mark, and your sister will be saved. I promise." Mark smiles a little. The rest of the meal goes by, and Leo gave us the information. Afterwards he taps ne on the shoulder.

"You gotta second, Jaq?" He asks, I follow him outside.

"Yeah." I reply. I bite my lip. He stops after we've reached a more secluded area.

"I chose this squad so you could get some more friends, Jaq."

"I figured. But I don't want friends Leo. I didn't even want to get close to you, it just happened."

"I still don't understand you after all these years." He sighs, and runs hand through his hair, he doesn't have it up so it barley brushes his shoulders in the back. I lean back against a wooden wall, and cross my arms.

"I still don't understand you after all these years." He sighs, and runs hand through his hair, he doesn't have it up so it barley brushes his shoulders in the back. I lean back against a wooden wall, and cross my arms.

"I don't want people to understand me." I say quietly. He frowns.

"Jaq..."

"Don't say it, Leo."

"Jaq, I love you"

"Dammit Leo, you know why we can't be together." I growl. He walks closer me and puts his arms on either side of me. I clench my jaw.

"Jaq, please... I know." He says, his breath hot on my neck. I shiver, and look up at him.

"You know what, Leo?" I ask softly.

"I know that you love me too." He whispers. I bite my lip.

"Leo, I don't-"

"Don't lie to me!" He whispers, clutching, helplessly at my button up shirt. I look up at him again.

"I... Leo" I mumble. He suddenly kisses me, my eyes widen as he clings to me, lifting me to his height, and he presses me against the wall. I gasp and push him back, blushing fiercely. "Leo!" I breath.

"I'm sorry, I... was that your first kiss?" He whispers. "That was stupid of me."

"I-" I blush. He smirks.

"You're cute when you blush" he whispers. I suddenly pull him to me, winding my fingers through his hair. One of his hands are braced on the wall, the other is wound up in my hair. We pull back for breath, I'm blushing fiercely. "I like this side of you." He chuckles, brushing hair from my face.

"...thanks." I whisper. "Put me down" I say suddenly, pushing him back.

"What? Why?" He frowns.

"Leo, I heard something."

"So what?" He asks, kissing my neck.

"Leo!" I shove him back, causing him to drop me. "They can't find out about us. The age difference is to great, it's wrong" I frown. I know he had a wife and a kid, but I don't say it. Because whether I want to or not, I have fallen in love with him. Tears weld up in my eyes, threatening to spill.

"Leo, I feel like I not worth putting your time in." I say, trying to form a sentence.

"Did you just say you are unworthy of me?" He asks shocked. "Listen here, Jaq Makosky, I love you. And I'm not taking this bull shit of how you're not worthy of me. Got that?" He asks. I nod my head, after moment.

"Leo, I still don't want people to find out about us."

"Would you like to go back to my room?" He asks, a smile forming on his lips.

"No." I reply, as he pokes me in my stomach. I hold back a giggle.

"You're ticklish, I find that adorable. It lets me know you're not all sharp edges. You have some soft sides to you as well." He smiles.

"I don't find it adorable, when I'm sparing with someone and they accidentally poke me, I laugh. It's frustrating." I complain. This is a side I have never, and I mean never, shown anyone. Leo in my 4 years in the military is the only one who knows anything about my history. And he doesn't know much. But I have a feeling he'll try know more. He has never been content with how my sister and I lived on the streets, and he doesn't know what happened to my parents.

"I think you have a cute laugh.." he whispers, caressing my face. I sigh, and lean into it. His normally tired blue eyes, are shining with happiness.

"I've never seen you like this, Leo." I murmur, watching him curiously.

"I-" Leo is cut off by a voice calling his name.

"Leo, you around here?" The voice calls.

"Mark." Leo says simply. I lean against the wall, and put my mask back on, crossing my arms and looking indifferent to the world. "We're over here Mark." Leo calls out. Mark rounds a corner, and sees the two of us. He pauses for a second and assesses the situation before he continues to walk towards us.

"Hey Leo, are they... sure it's Mar? Is Mar really out there... all alone?" He asks.

"They said her name was Mar, but it could be someone else. I am unable to recall her last name." Leo gives an apologetic look. Mark nods his head,

"I suppose it could be. I hope so... Mar was always fragile."

"I'm sure you're not giving her enough credit, she is in the Survey Corps."

Mark sighs at this. I lean up from the wall and walk over to him.

"Mark, she is strong, she was the youngest one on that squad if she was your twin, and yet she was the one who survived. That specific squad had veterans in it, from before the fall of wall. Yet she survived, Mar seems pretty fucking strong to me." I say, staring up at him, tears shine in his eyes. "If she's anything like you, she's strong." I finally say. Mark suddenly embraces me, pulling me to him, my eyes grow wide.

"Thank you, Jaq. You try to be tough, and mean all the time, but you're not." He cries. I'm awkward in his arms. I feel Leo's eye staring a hole into us. After a moment Mark puts me down. He wipes his eyes, and thanks us, leaving. I turn around, towards Leo.

"Jaq! What the hell happened!?" He asks me.

"What are you talking about? I say defensively, "he only hugged me, because tried to be nice!"

"No, Jaq, I understand that, but I was talking about the scar that runs from your naval, to your hip bone on the opposite side!" I glance down, when Mark lifted me up, my shirt lifted up too.

"It was a training accident." I say, tugging down.

"Don't lie to me, Jaq!" He says, "you've never been good at that" he rushes up to me, and holds my face in his hands. "Jaq, what happened? It's obviously old. It happened before we didn't it?"

"... yes." I say slowly. He clenches his jaw.

"What happened?" He asks, starring into my eyes, his blue ones filled with worry.

"Why does it matter? Its in the past." I say softly.

"Because, even if it's in the past, it's still something that happened to you." He tells me. I sigh.

"My father."

"Your father did this?"

"Yes, he stabbed my mom, killing her, then he stabbed me, thinking I was dead he killed himself. He knew Lizzie would die without us. But Dr. Jäger found me, and he stitched me up. Asked if Lizzie and I had family we could live with, I lied and said yes."

"Why did your father do that?"

"He was insane, what other reason is needed?" I ask, covering one of his hands on my face, with my own. He stares at me sadly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you to talk about that."

"No, it's alright. You don't have any secrets you keep from me, I won't keep any from you." I say softly. He kisses me for a brief moment.

"You should go, we don't want to spend to much time together, if you want to keep this a secret" he tells me.

"You're right." I reply, and I leave him standing where he is. I feel his eyes on me, and heat rushes to my face, as all my emotions collide.

"Jaq! Hey, you have time right now?" I look back and know who it is instantly. One of the only two people I have ever met, she has a rich Carmel skin colour, and frizzy black hair she keeps closely shaven. But there is no denying her beauty, but people forget about that once she begins to talk. Jess.

"I probably shouldn't Jess, I'm going to train with some of the new recruits." I say, it's not exact lie, I did plan on going to train. I just planned on doing it alone.

"That's perfect, because Nana, Bree and I we're going to spar, would you like join?" She asks. I pause for a second to consider this.

"Sure, I don't see why not. Nana, she's the only one to not graduate in the top 10 though, yes?"

"Yes, but I hear the kids who graduated in the top 10 are extremely talented. You should see their number 1. She's worth 100 soldiers." Jess gushes.

"So am I." I reply, "it happens, there are at least a couple of us like that in Military." We see Nana and Bree rushing towards us.

"Three on one is fair, right?" I ask as graduate number 6 in my class, Bree throws a punch, her long silky black hair flowing behind her. I dodge and grab her hair, yanking it so she looses her balance.

"I feel so." Bree gasps out in her odd accent none of us have heard before. Nana dives towards me, driving her fist into my stomach, I double over for a second. But in an instant I'm back up, and as she goes to punch me, I duck, then slam my head into hers, from below. She falls back and lands on her ass.

"Mikasa! Look at that, three on one and she's winning!" A voice calls, I look back for a split second, and Jess punches me in the face. "Holy Crap, that's awesome!" The boy says, as I reel, Bree walks up to me and grabs my hair, yanking my head back. I grimace, and I kick my foot up, as Nana stands to land a blow. It hits her square in the jaw, knocking her out. I let my body fall limp, and the weight shocks Bree, making her let go. On the ground, I dodge a kick from Jess, and catch the one from Bree. I hold her leg and stand up, knocking her off balance.

"Shit." She gasps, and she falls.

I punch Jess in the face, and as she waves her arm to keep balance, I grab her arm and pull her towards my body, I use the momentum as I drop to the ground again, to toss her over my shoulders. She lands on her back and gasps as the air is knocked out of her lungs. I stand up, they're all down for the count, Nana is out cold and the other two are panting on the ground. I look up as boy shouts in excitement.

"That was so fast! Holy shit Mikasa, did you see all that!?" He smiles.

"Would you like to try?" I ask, it's obvious he does. The boy's smile grows larger.

"Hell yeah! Come on Mikasa!" He heading towards me. Mikasa stops him.

"Come on Eren, do you want to be late again?" She asks.

"Mikasa! I want to fight her!" He complains as he is dragged away. She doesn't stop. "Wait, tell me which rank you graduated in!?" He asks.

"Number 1 of Graduating class 102." I say, then I help up Jess, who's panting still. She grabs Bree up from the spot she was lying in, and I head over to Nana, and I sling her over my shoulders. Her feet drag across the ground as we head to the area we were given to rest in. I put her in her bed, and she's coming to, a little. She groans.

"I hit you too hard." I say, handing her a glass of water. She sips it, and Bree sits next to her, holding her hand.

"My head hurts." She complains.

"I'm sorry." I apologize. Jess stares at me in shock.

"You just apologized." She gasps. "Holy shit." I grin sarcastically, and cross my arms.

"What, have you never heard an apology before?" I scoff.

"I, it's just that you've never-" she stutters.

"I know." I say simply and I head over to one of the beds. "Do you think you'll be good for tomorrow, Nana?"

"I think so."

"...Good." I clench my jaw then role over on the bed and close my eyes. I don't even bother to change. The girls whisper softly with one another, after a while they think I've fallen asleep.

"She has never been so kind." Jess says.

"Has she changed?" Nana asks. There is silence for a second.

"No. She does not want people to notice. But she has always been this way." Bree says, putting more of a rounded sound on her 'O's' than needed. "I have always noticed how good of a person she is. She does things for people without them noticing all the time."

I clench the blankets in my hand. I guess my mask wasn't strong enough. I supress a sigh.

"Hey, let's just go to sleep, we have a mission, and Jaq just handed our asses to us." Nana says, they all stop talking, and head to their beds.


	4. Chapter 4

THE NEXT DAY:

"Time to go! Let's wake up and get ready!" Leo calls from outside the room. I groan, never having been a morning person. I role over and hit the ground with a thud.

"Crap." I complain, sitting up slowly. I change my shirt and pants and put the jacket back on. The others all get up and get ready as well, I make sure the chain with Lizzie's ring is still there. And I put my dagger on pocket on the inside of my jacket. It's not a mandatory thing to have, but it's something I like to have.

I sigh and walk out of the small room, Nana follows close behind me. She tugs on my jacket, as I've seen small children do to their mother's. I look back at her, I find it odd, not only is she older than me she is more than a foot taller than me. She's the tallest girl I know.

"What? How's your head?" I ask.

"It's fine, no pain at all... have you ever seen a titan before Jaq? Are they scary?" She asks. Understanding fills me, but I don't let it show.

"Yes, they are terrifying. Prepare yourself. I've been on several expeditions with my old squad, but for whatever reason I was transferred into this new squad. And I was in Shangashina on that day." I tell her.

"Did you kill any?" She asks.

"I have killed 67, and no assists." I respond. She stares.

" That's a lot..."

"I guess, most were under 10 meters."

"That's still impressive." Nana says and she smiles at me. She follows behind, the others joining us. Leo gives me a slight smile, but I ignore it. He frowns slightly, always use to me brushing him off, but I guess he expected a change after last night.

"We estimate we will be back later today, we will not be the only group going out, but we will be the only one's on this specific mission." Leo explains as we head into town. He walks next to me, his arm brushes my own occasionally. "I will take the head of the formation, I want Mark and Bree on the left and right, Nana and Jaq, you will cover the back of the formation, Jess you're the main look out, but you'll be on the inside with the extra horse." He explains.

"Yes sir!" We all say. We walk in silence the rest of the way until we get to Survey Corps HQ and stables. Other soldier's are there, I notice Alex and Annabell together, along with a few other graduates from my class. They nod their heads in acknowledgement. I nod back.

"Leo, make sure the horse is tied tight enough." I say, securing my saddle.

"Yeah, alright." He replies, yanking the reigns tighter. He walks over and leans down to my height, "listen to my orders today, Jaq. You've been doing good lately."

"Don't praise me like a pet." I hiss, under my breath. "I am an adult, a soldier." He puts his hand on my shoulder;

"Then act like one." He says. I look back and glare at him. He smiles slightly, and chuckles slightly. "You look like you could kill a man right now."

"I have a specific man in mind." I hiss.

"Do you now?" He laughd out loud this time.

OUTSIDE THE WALLS:

"Keep alert, you never know when a titan is coming." Leo calls from the front. I glance around constantly, shoulders tense. "Never split up, stay in sight of one another! We should be at the forrest of giant trees in 10 minutes." He says. Nana is shaking next to me.

"Nana..." I say, just loud enough for her to hear me. She looks over. "Everything will be okay."

"I know... but, if something does happen" she tugs her jacket sleeve up, "give this to my parents, find them, you saw them that one time, yeah?" She reveals an iron bracelet, it appears to have charms in it.

"Nothing will happen." I repeat. She tries to smile.

"Yeah." Bree suddenly shouts loudly. We all look up.

"8 meter titan! To the left!" She calls.

"I got it!" I break formation, Leo calls my name but I ignore him. I launch myself over it's head, using my 3DMG with ease. I turn midair, and launch my hooks into the titan, and swing my blades, launching myself forwards. It swings its arm and I release the hooks, falling to the ground. "Crap" I run forwards and launch myself into the air again. I hit the mark and it dies. My horse, who was waiting patiently for me, trots over, and I climb onto him. As I head back to the group, Leo glares at me.

"Jaq! I gave you an order!" He growls. I fall back into formation.

"I don't recall" I reply, loud enough for him to hear it.

"You are MY subordinate, you listen to what I say! You will be given discipline once we are back within the walls." He shouts, his anger obvious to anyone.

"Alright." I reply simply. I can't hear exactly what he says, but I heard some definite cuss words.

"You shouldn't have done that, Jaq." Nana says, only loud enough so I can hear. I smirk, mask fully in place.

"If I didn't, who would?" I laugh harshly. Reality is, if I didn't, I know Mark would have, and in his state of mind at the moment, he would have gotten killed.

"The forest is in sight! We will group up in the trees and go over the plan." Leo calls from up front. We all launch ourselves into the trees, once they are in reach.

He looks at all of us, his eyes linger on me for a second longer. "We will spread out so we can find her swifter. Fire a green flare, if there is a titan a red one, and an emergency, black, you all know the drill. Go." We all launch off in a line.

He looks at all of us, his eyes linger on me for a second longer. "We will spread out so we can find her swifter. Fire a green flare, if there is a titan a red one, and an emergency, black, you all know the drill. And I don't want you to engage in combat unless absolutely necessarily. Go." We all launch off in a line. I avoid all the titans, and keep an eye out for Mar.

Suddenly, a black flare flys by me. It's from my left, thats Bree's direction. I swing through the trees and I first notice a 10 meter reaching towards a branch, hidden by the trunk of the tree. When I round the corner, I see Bree being pinned down by Nana, a 3DMG blade at her throat. They're both sobbing. One of her blades is in Bree's right shoulder. Blood pools around them.

"Nana! Stop! What are you doing?" I shout. She spins around as I rush forwards, and shocks me by hitting my blades instead of me, I drop them, and they have enough line to drag across the tree as I dodge her blows, she's still crying. I slip the dagger from the inside of my jacket to my sleeve, without her noticing.

She furiously swipes at me, and I jump back wards dodging. "NANA PLEASE STOP!" I shout, "BREE! FIRE ANOTHER BLACK FLARE!" I'm screaming by this point, Nana chooses this moment to knock me on my back, the air is knocked out of my lungs. She's a lot stronger than me, and she has a full 30 centimeters on me. She's better than me in hand to hand combat. Nana straddles me, putting the blade at my throat. I hear Bree fumbling with her left hand to get the flare.

"Why?" I whisper, holding back my own tears.

"Better a death from someone you love, than a titan, it's better, after I kill Bree and you, Jaq, I'll kill myself." She sobs. Memories of my father come rushing back as I finally hear the flare go off. Tears streaming down my face.

Nana's eyes grow wide and she coughs blood in my face, as drive my dagger into her stomach, and rip it towards my chest. Blood pours down my hand, still gripping the dagger, and soaks through my clothes instantly, hot and sticky.

"...Jaq?" She sobs. Blood from her mouth dripping onto my face.

"I'm sorry." I choke out as she gasps for air, loosing her strength and collapsing onto me. Bree screams in agony and grief.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm sorry." I choke out as she gasps for air, loosing her strength and collapsing onto me. Bree screams in agony and grief.

"...Bree?" Nana gasps, head on my chest. Bree runs over, pulls her off of me, and lays Nana on her lap, smoothing the hair out of her face. I'm drenched in blood. "... Bree... I love... you." She breaths.

"I know Nana, I love you too. I love you so much." She cries. Nana stops breathing. I stand up, then drop onto my knees and scream, holding my head in my hands. Tears stream down my face. I choke on my breath and suddenly Leo has his arms around me and he lifts me up. I look around, my mask completely broken. Mark stands, holding a girl who looks exactly like him, but with longer hair. Mar. Jess is on the ground by Bree, and Nana's body. She's sobbing.

"What happened!?" Leo demands, he holds my shoulders and turns me towards him. He's blurry through my tears. "JAQ!" He shouts, I'm limp in his hands, knees slightly bent.

"I... I killed her." I say suddenly.

"WHY!?" He demands. I begin to hyperventilate, and I struggle to break free of his grasp. He lets me go, and I drop to the ground. I stand up suddenly, and stumble over to Nana. I drop to my knees, and remove the small iron bracelet, and I put it on my own wrist, so I won't lose it. My tears stop instantly, as my mask falls back into place. Bree sees the change in my face, as I stand up. She tries to grab my arm, but I avoid it.

"Jaq, why did you kill her?" Leo demands, standing in front of me.

"She tried to kill Bree, and I. It was self defense." I say simply. He stares at me shocked. I don't respond. I watch as Bree, gently takes off Nana's jacket, and she takes off her jacket, and puts on Nana's. She doesn't mind the blood on it, it's less that what was on her's. Most of Nana's blood is on myself.

"Bree is injured." I say, calmly. But on the inside I am still sobbing. I will not show it. I can't.

"I'll take a look at it." Leo says, glaring at me. Don't look at me like that, I think. Please Leo. Understand, you know me better than any one else here. You should know. I walk over to the side of the tree and look down at the titan reaching for us. "Don't say it, Jaq" Leo suddenly says. I glance back at him.

"It has to be done. Someone has to say it." I say quietly, trying to keep my emotions in check. Bree suddenly understands what I mean.

"NO!" She screams. "WE CAN'T DO THAT TO HER!" She pulled Nana closer to her body. "She... she still deserves a proper burial."

"If we bring her back, the wounds on her stomach will be obvious." I reply, looking at her.

"We can't. No one deserves that." Mar suddenly says, her voice quiet. We all look at her, even Mark is shocked.

"Mar... this is a touchy situation, we have to decide what is best, Jaq could get into a lot of trouble for this." Mark tells her.

"So you agree with her?" Bree whispers. Mark looks away from her face.

"I do." He states as the titan makes odd noises.

"Leo, I can't do anything, not without your orders." I look at him. He glares. My heart sinks, he has never looked at me that way, no matter the mistake I made.

"Do what you want." He growls and stalks away. I look over at Bree and she gasps, clinging to Nana.

"Please, please Jaq! I know you aren't a bad person! Don't do this." She begs, I fight the tears threatening to overflow and break my rock hard mask.

"Bree, this is what must be done." I tell her, and Jess helps her up, without looking at me. Her screams fill the air as Mark and I lift Nana up, and toss her body at the titan, her eyes lifeless as she fell into it's grasp. It didn't seem to mind she was dead, that or Bree's screaming was enough.

"NANA!" Her screams fill the otherwise silent air. "NANA I'M SORRY!" Suddenly she flings herself off the tree branch, and the titan reaches for her. I jump off after her and go for the nape, as Jess uses her 3DMG to swing down and catch Bree, Mark is cursing up a storm, and Leo ran to distract the titan for a moment so I would have a clean shot, I kill it. We all come back to the branch, and I walk over to Bree, fury in my eyes.

"What the fuck, Bree!? What's with this death wish!?" I shout. Leo grabs my arm, forcing me to look at him.

"Knock it off Jaq, that is an order, get your emotions into check. This isn't like you." He snaps, and I glare at him.

"Yes sir." I growl. He releases my arm and gently grasps Bree's shoulders avoiding her injury.

"Bree, think rationally, this isn't what Nana would want for you. She didn't want you to die by the titans." Leo whispers gently. I clench my fists, hurt that he's acting in such a way towards me. I walk away and lean against the tree trunk, crossing my arms. Bree takes a moment to calm down as Leo whispers more calming words. Suddenly he stands up straight, "Everyone head back to the horses, stay in the trees, Jaq and I will follow in a moment." He announces, "That is an order." Everyone leaves and he looks over at me.

"You're certainly not afraid to give orders like I thought you would be." I say, trying to stay calm.

"Bree is in a bad place right now, Jaq, you need to accept this. If it were you that just died, I would be reacting in the same way as she was." He says watching me carefully.

"Because you love me so much, all you've done is yell at me this entire day." I say, clenching my jaw.

"Stop acting like a child, and I'll stop treating you like one. You are my equal, but at the same time you are also my subordinate. You need to understand that." He says with a softer tone in his voice. He brushes his hand down my cheek, with a feather touch.

"I'm sorry, Leo. I just, I didn't expect this turn of events."

"No one did, but with the way you're acting at least I know you love me." He says with a slight smile.

"How so?" I scoff.

"You've been raging with jealousy at the lack of attention I've been giving you."

"Sure, lets just head back." I say and launch off, he laughs behind me and follows, both of us still on edge, but some stress between us has fallen. We fly through the forest, the wind whipping my hair straight back, and in a matter of minutes, since we are no longer searching for someone, we make it back to the horses. We mount our horses, not saying a single word to one another, and we race back towards the walls. With a rare stroke of luck, we encounter no titans. By the time we reach the walls, the blood covering me, almost head to toe has dried, and I'm left with a disgusting sticky feeling. Other soldiers are about to enter the wall again as well, and I notice Levi, with the same piss face that he had when I met him all those years ago. He notices me looking at him, and his face shows disgust and something else flickers in his eyes, at the sight of the blood all over me. But he doesn't seem to recognize me.

As we all file into the wall, people crowd as close as they can, and parents being informed, of those who died cry out in horror. Soon I notice Nana's parents. I thought I would have had to seek them out, but they wanted to see if she would live apparently. I dismount my horse, and walk up to them, slowly, handing them the iron bracelet.

"No!" Her mother screamed, tugging at her blonde hair much like Nana's. "No, she was to young!" Tears streamed down her face. The father pulled her in close trying to consul her, tears shinned in his own eyes.

"Nana... of the 104th graduating class, requested I tell you, she was sorry, and she loved you both very much." I say, trying not to choke on my words.

"W-were you there?" Her father asked me. I could only nod my head.

"You killed her! You let her die!" Her mother accused, I flinched as if I had been slapped across the face, "That is her blood on you isn't it!?" She screamed, I couldn't answer, and I returned to my spot in line. Commander Erwin looked at me, taking in the state I am in, recognition in his eyes.

"Jaq, let's have a talk after this, shall we?" He asked, Levi looked at me, finally realizing who I was.

"Yes sir." I replied, Bree walked behind me, and I was not to far from the front of the soldiers. I noticed Mike on the other side of Erwin, and some other soldiers, that I have heard stories of their skills. Soon we reached our destination, and Erwin motioned for me to go to him. Walking forwards, getting use to the feeling of dried blood, causing my clothing to be stiff, my breath almost back to normal.

"Jaq Makosky, I didn't expect to see you here." Commander Erwin said. Mike was watching me carefully from behind him.

"I didn't think I would end up here either, sir." I replied, glancing back trying to find Leo.

"What happened out there?"

"What do you mean? We rescued a soldier, whose squad died."

"You lost a member of your own squad. Nana, was her name?"

"Yes sir. I do not understand why you are asking me this, soldiers die every time we leave the walls, what is so special about this?" I ask, trying to remain calm.

"Mike said he smelled something different about you." My head shot in Mike's direction, his expression was blank.

"You killed that girl." Mike said. I began to gasp for breath. My head spinning.

"Jaq?" Erwin asked, reaching an arm out.

"No! I mean, I'm fine." I gasp, swatting his hand away. I hold my breath for a moment, and run a hand through my hair, annoyed at the small panic attack I just had. Erwin looks unsure, but continues.

"Why did you kill her?"

"I had no choice."

"What do you mean you 'had no choice'?"

"She was trying to kill Bree."

"Who is Bree?"

"Bree was Nana's girlfriend."

"Why did she try and kill her?"

"Commander Erwin, you can't possibly expect me to kn-" I start, only to be cut off, Ewrin's face showing slight annoyance.

"But you do, now answer the question, soldier."

"She was insane. She figured a death by her hands was better than one by the titans." Erwin looked at me carefully for a moment.

"And where is Nana's body? You didn't bring it back with you."

"I-we..." Tears overflow at the horrible deed I committed

"Jaq, now." Erwin's face showed slight concern, but he wasn't going to just leave me alone.

"There was a titan. And we agreed it would be best to-" I stop, unable to continue.

"So you fed her to the titan." He said, his voice suddenly void of any emotion. "The one thing she didn't want, you did to her." My breath caught, and I bit my lip, trying to suppress a scream. "I'm putting you on a gag order, you are not to tell anyone. I will inform your squad." He frowns. I salute, about to break,

"Yes sir." Erwin turns on his heel, saying something to Mike, he replies, but I can't hear what either of them are saying. I leave, realizing I was dismissed. As I head back towards where my room is that I share with Jess, Mark suddenly steps into my path. "Hey." I sigh, I notice something is off. "Mark, are you alright?" I ask taking a step forwards. He glares at me with hate filled eyes, and I can't help but flinch. His eyes had never looked like that, I remember when he first was boosted into the class of 102.


	6. Chapter 6

ONE YEAR INTO TRAINING:

When I was limping back to my bunk area after a particularly brutal training session, someone had suddenly ran into me, throwing me to the ground. I groaned, cursing loudly.

"What the fuck?" I growled, feeling my foot go numb.

"I am so sorry miss! I was just trying to find someone to help me figure out what to do!" A high pitched woman's voice said, I looked up, at a boy much taller than myself. Not a woman.

"Dammit, I can't feel my foot." I sigh, trying to stand up, only to fall back down.

"Here, let me help you." He squeaked. He tried to pull me up, but he tripped on nothing, like a klutz and fell down on top of me knocking the air out of my lungs. I gasped for air, as he hurried to get off of me. "I'm so sorry!" He apologized, he picked me up with no effort. "Where is your bunk?" He asked, heading the wrong direction.

"The other way." I groaned. He turned around, and began walking the right way.

"I'm Mark, I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to. I was just trying to find someone to tell me where the men's bunks were. Because I was boosted up to this class."

"The men's bunks are near the woman's bunks." I say, my air coming back to me. He seemed like a nice kid, glancing up at him I realized he was crying. "Why are you crying Mark?"

"Because I hurt you and I feel really bad about it." He sniffled. I sigh.

"It's alright, you didn't mean too."

"Are you sure, miss?"

"Yes I am sure, now stop calling me miss, my name is Jaq."

"I apologize."

"Stop doing that."

"What?"

"Apologizing. I get it."

"Oh..." He reaches the woman's bunks. "My sister will be here one day. She is the class behind us."

"I'm sure she will do fine." I replied to him, as he kicked the door softly. Jess opened the door.

"Holy Wall Maria, Jaq what did you do?" She asked, opening the door farther, pulling Mark inside.

"Uh-uh I don't think I should be in the woman's bunks" Mark stutters. Jess pulled him over to my bed,

"Put her down." She said, pointing. He set me down gently.

"... Mark." I said as he turned to leave.

"Yeah?"

"Come back here tomorrow to help me just in case my foot still hurts. I'll show you around and stuff, if it does." I muttered. He smiled largely.

"Alright!" He squeaked. His voice high pitched and annoying. His face showed joy, as he ran out of the bunk. Jess laughed,

"You just made that boy's day."

"I guess."

"Now what did you do?"

"He ran into me, and I wasn't expecting it so I fell."

"Dumb ass."

"Shut up!" I growled, she smiled at me, and went to her bed. I fell asleep in my clothing, as I normally did when I was more tired than usually, or the rare occasions when I was injured. The next day I woke up to Jess shaking me.

"That boy is here again."

"What boy?" I mumbled, trying to roll over.

"The one that hurt your ankle yesterday, speaking of witch, is it any better?" She asked me. I rolled my ankle around, not feeling any pain.

"No, it still hurts, help me out there so I can show him around, like I promised if I was still in pain. There is a crutch by the door, so I can use that." I sighed, sitting up in the bed. She nodded, helping me up,

"Here we go, Jaq." She wrapped my arm over her shoulder, and I fake limped to the door.

"Thanks." I muttered, grabbing the crutch, leaning on it for support. Mark waited outside, eyes bright, like a boy on his birthday in the inner walls.

"Good morning Jaq, is your foot feeling any better?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I guess. It doesn't hurt quite as much, but the pain is there. So instead of training today, I'll show you around." I lied.

"Thank you!" He exclaimed, blue eyes huge.

PRESENT:

"Mark, what's wrong?" I ask again. He stalks forward, and stands right in front of me, I have to look up to meet his gaze.

"Nothing is 'wrong' Jaq, how could anything be wrong?" He asked furiously.

"What the fuck? Tell me what is going on now." I demand, trying to keep my face calm, my mask had fallen far to many times today.

"You are not my captain, although you appear to be fucking him." He hissed. I flinched, as if he had slapped me.

"How did you find out?" I growl. Clenching my fists. We hadn't done that, but he still knew about our relationship.

"You were all over each other last night." He replied, a smile creeped over his face, not a nice one, not the one I learned to expect from Mark.

"You did see us." I gasp, remembering the sound we had heard.

"Who knew, the great Jaq Makosky, was ticklish?" He looked at me, "You know, I've noticed when you train, a long scar that is on your stomach, I wonder what happened?" He whispers.

"Stop, Mark, please." I say softly.

"Stop what?"

"Stop trying to make me hate you!" I shout.

"Hate me then, you bitch! Hurt me! Make me pay for belittling you!" He hisses. I punch him, and he reels backwards. Tears stream down my face, as he catches himself. "Beat the shit out of me, Jaq!" He shouts. "God knows I deserve it!" He screams, but I'm no longer listening, as he runs towards me, I use his weight against him, to send him flying onto his face, behind me. "I heard you had a sister." He coughs, as I kick him square in the stomach. Soldiers near by shout, not trying to break us up, knowing my reputation. "You let her die, yeah!? Just watched her get eaten on that day!" He screamed. He kicks his foot out, knocking me onto my ass. He grabs me by my hair and yanks my head back, then shoved it into the ground as heard as he could. Everything spins for a moment, but I manage to get up. He shoves me into a wall, and I slide down it, gasping for breath, as he walks up to me I suddenly surprise him by standing up swiftly, and jumping at him. He has the air knocked out of him at impact, and I'm on top of him, I'm not trying to kill him, I just want to hurt him. Badly.

"Fuck you!" I growl, "You did it! You made me hate you! Are you happy!?" I scream at him. He spits blood, into my already bloodied face, a mixture of my own and Nana's. Someone grabs me under the arms and rips me off of him, yanking an arm behind my back, pinning the other to my side. "LET ME GO!" I screech. "HE ASKED FOR IT!"

"We need to stop meeting like this." A voice says in my ear.

"Let me go." I reply, breathing heavily. Levi has a firm grasp on me, I'm unable to move, just like that day. Mark sits up slowly, holding his head, glaring at me.

"Bitch." He growled. I struggle in Levi's arms, ready to punch Mark again.

"Mark." Levi simply saying his name, visibly made Mark calm down. "I understand you are upset about what happened. But was provoking Jaq, really the best way to go?" The adrenalin is running out, and I feel my knees buckles, but Levi doesn't let me fall. Mark gets up, and leaves, after Levi said something else, but I wasn't paying attention. "Let's go, Jaq. I'll bring you back to your room. You're filthy." Levi says, hoisting me up, wrapping my arm over his shoulder.

"I'm surprised you even recognized me, you didn't earlier." I breathe, still out of breath, pain all through out my body, and I begin to notice the sticky blood covering me, as my anger simmers down.

"I didn't see your shitty attitude before." Levi scoffs. I limp, as he walks calmly in the general direction of the building with the soldier's rooms. "Your sister is dead isn't she?" He suddenly asked after a moment of silence.

"How did you-"

"Why else would you join the Survey Corps?" He asked. I don't reply.

"Jaq!" My head shot up at the sound of Leo's voice, pain ran through my head and I regretted it instantly. He was running towards us. Once he reached us, Levi suddenly picked me up and placed me on Leo's back. I was too tired to complain. When I look over, Levi is already leaving.

"Leo..." I sob, resting my head on his back.

"It's alright." He whispered, bringing me to my room. "I'm not letting Mark stay in our squad."

"...Alright."

"Did he tell you why he did that?" Leo suddenly asks.

"No, but I can guess what happened. His sister killed herself, didn't she?" I murmur.

"Yes. We didn't learn what she knew, either. She offed herself in a bathroom, when we allowed her to clean up. She used one of her belts."

"I can see why Mark was so upset, but he didn't need to do that. He didn't need to provoke me into beating the shit out of him. He didn't need to say the things he did." I sob.

"What did he say?"

"He knows about us, Leo. And he mentioned Lizzie, to try and make me fight him"

"And it worked."

"...It did. Yes." By this time, we're at my room, he sets me down gently.

"Are you alright to walk?" He asked, holding my shoulders, in case I collapsed.

"Yes." I open the door to the room, and see Annabell sitting on the other bed. I stand there for a moment, remembering that Nana and I were suppose to share a room, since the last person I roomed with died on an expedition a couple weeks ago. Annabell notices the condition I'm in, but she still smiles at me for a moment. I nod at her, and head straight for the bathroom. I hear Leo talking to her quietly, I'm unsure of what he is telling her, as I strip out of the now dried, blood caked clothing. I turn the shower on, and just stand under the warm water, before I even attempt to scrub the blood off of my face, and body.

About a half hour later, after one of the longest showers of my life, I leave the bathroom in a towel, and then I notice Leo is still here. He stands up,

"I'll leave the room for a moment, tell me when you're dressed, we need to talk." He says. I nod, as he walks out the door.

I swiftly get changed, into the uniform once again, I have business to attend too, with Leo in town. My ankle throbs slightly, but I ignore it. I open the door letting Leo back in. He glanced at me before walking in, sitting on my bed once again. I sit in a wooden chair, crossing my legs. Annabell was leaning against a wall, her arms crossed. I notice tears in her eyes, it hurts me to see her like that. All I ever do is hurt anyone.

"-aq. Jaq, hey, are you listening?" Leo asked me. I looked back at him.

"Sorry, please repeat that?" I requested.

"Annabell and Alex are now in our squad. We don't have any missions for a while. Maybe two weeks." He repeated. "I was lucky and I was able to get both of them in the squad together." Leo was friends with some of the higher ups. Sometimes I forgot about that. What would they do if they found out about our relationship? It wouldn't be good, that was for sure. Right at that moment, I was grateful that Mark hadn't outed that little piece of information too loudly. I ran a hand through my hair, it was still damp.

"So we're just going to sit around doing nothing for two weeks?" I asked. |

"You're certainly in a hurry to get back out of the walls. I thought that one time would have been enough." His voice had a warning note to it. "Now, are you ready to go? We have to go."

"What are we doing anyways?" I ask, resting my arm on the able next to me.

"Would you stop questioning orders?"

"No." A lazy, half-assed, sarcastic smile spreads across my face. He blinks.

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"This is why you were told you would never receive a higher rank, despite your skill."

"Well maybe I don't want to be a higher rank."

"I don't see why you wouldn't."

"Did you ever think I disobey direct orders for a reason?"

"Are you admitting to treason?"

"Shut up, Leo." A ghost of a smile on my lips. It's the closest I've gotten to truly smiling in a long time. Leo knew me, he knew I had reasons for everything I did. Even if he didn't like them. Annabell had a look of shock on her face when she noticed the end of my lips quirked up.

"Why, Jaq. Is that a smile?" Leo teased, his eyes shinning. It hit me then, that he had never seen me smile.

"It could be" I replied, standing up. "Come on, we gotta go." He stood up with me, and left the room. I said good-bye to Annabell, and she waved, mouthing;

'See you later' even though she couldn't talk, we communicated just fine.

As we walked out into the hall I glanced up at Leo, "What is it we have to do?" I asked, curious.

"Nothing in particular, anything you want." Leo shrugged, smiling.

"You said we had stuff to do." I accused

"That I did. But I never stated it was military stuff, you just assumed."


End file.
